The RAW Deal – 11/7/11

Added by DieHard Derek on November 8, 2011.

Every week, resident pro wrestling columnist “DieHard Derek” will analyze WWE’s Monday Night RAW programming from a creative standpoint and discuss its overall effectiveness as a pseudo-sport product. No punches will be held as DieHard offers his 20 years industry experience to give wrestling fans, The RAW Deal!

To discuss pro wrestling and interact with DieHard Derek on a daily basis, follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

The RAW Deal for the 11/7/11 Episode.
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What will the WWE do with Zack Ryder now that he has the official endorsement of John Cena? Does this make him a main eventer? Does this set him up to defeat Dolph Ziggler for the US title? Or is this just the WWE’s way of saying – “Look, Cena likes this guy and you better too. Now buy his shirts and score us a profit because he just worked the main event with this generations Hulk Hogan. Whatever Cena does or endorses, you follow! Got it? Now dig in your pocket and help keep the McMahons on the Forbes Billion Dollar List.”

Isn’t it time to change the face of the WWE titles? I popped a few weeks ago when Cody Rhodes reintroduced the classic WWE Intercontinental title. But I popped because it was exactly that – classic! Don’t get me wrong, I understand the marketing perspective and how the WWE wants to sell a blinged out championship belts to white kids who think they’re black. I get it. But it’s a championship title, not a fashion accessory. The champion shouldn’t be wearing something that came out of the P. Diddy jewelry collection. I don’t dislike the WWE championship belt style, but I find I difficult to take seriously. On the flip side of the coin – the U.S. title looks like a child’s toy. I didn’t know that Fisher Price designed a line of “My First Championship Belts”. That giant flag logo is ridiculous. It looks like a sticker decal that was placed on from a do-it-yourself kit. You’re probably saying, “Get over it DieHard! It’s just a belt!” Maybe you’re right. But then again, if I can’t take your moronically designed title seriously, then how can I take your champion seriously?

Isn’t it time get some guys out of the WWE Dog House? How serious was the crime that landed John Morrison on a three-plus month losing streak? Why hasn’t Ted Dibiasie Jr. been pushed in over a year? Where is the “chosen one” Drew McIntyre these days? It amazes me that these talents are rotting away on the sidelines while less talented and less profitable stars are in featured matches. Apparently, when you piss Vince McMahon off, he develops a raging hard-on with your name on it. Vince, I’m sure you’ve seen a Viagra commercials and I think you should listen to their advice and consult a physician if you’ve had an erection lasting over 4 months.

Mason Ryan vs. JTG…where do I start with this clusterfuck? Let’s get something straight – Mason Ryan is NOT ready for a push. They should change his name to The Incredible Hulk because he’s big, he’s muscular and he’s incredibly GREEN! Did anyone watch his match on RAW? ZERO response! He is NOT over with the fans in the slightest bit. You know you have problems when there is dead silence during your match – not from the announcers… from the crowd! Admittedly, Mason Ryan has the size, he has the look…and that’s where it ends. Like Dave Batista – he’s a master spot botcher! Mark my words when I say that the WWE will spend months force feeding him to fans with promo videos and squash matches, only to give up the effort like they did with Wade Barrett and the rest of Nexus. Stop wasting our time NOW. Pro Wrestling is no longer a big man sport, and Puffy The Match Slayer is too slow mentally and physically to keep up with the WWE’s fast paced action.

Why are all the WrestleMania 28 promos filled with only Latino fans? It’s like they’re targeting one ethnicity for this event and it doesn’t make sense at all. Just because Miami is synonymous with Mojito, doesn’t mean that everyone in southern Florida is equipped with a leaf-blower and a bag of oranges. Before you shit a burrito, let me just say that I’m Puerto Rican – so it’s not a racist remark…mainly because Puerto Ricans don’t like anybody to begin with. But back to my original point, the big build up for this event is John Cena (White) vs. The Rock (Samoan) – so why the need to push the ethnic card to an ethnicity that doesn’t even really have a part in the show? It’s not like they’re trying to get a bunch of Cubans to defect on rafts just to see WrestleMania. And even if they were, they’d just be tossed back into the shark infested ocean if they didn’t at least have a decent curveball. This is Miami, not East L.A. You’re targeting the wrong audience. Think I’m lying? Ask Joe Francis how many Girls Gone Wild DVDs he’s sold from South Beach with drunk white college girls getting topless. I’m just sayin’!

Can someone please explain to me what the point was having the world champion wrestle in the middle of the card against a co-holder of the tag team title? What was the point in Alberto Del Rio vs. Kofi Kingston? Having Kofi do the job makes your tag champion look weak. I understand Evan Bourne is suspended for 30 days so Kofi has to get out there and earn his cheddar – but there are plenty of other ways to get him over and still help progress the tag team division. Having one of your champions easily job to another for no rhyme or reason devalues the title around the losers waist. Help me understand the logic when you have a locker room full of jobbers who could have easily done the same with no worries of setting their push back…What push?? Exactly!

Speaking of Alberto Del Rio – his feud with CM Punk already SUCKS because it has no purpose! You’re telling me I should be getting excited because the world champion is currently in a program with a guy simply because he wants him to politely ask for a title shot? Seriously? Is that the best creative can come up with? I’d love to be a fly on the wall while the agents are explaining this one to Del Rio and Punk – “Okay, so you guys are going to hate each other and work this program going into Survivor Series… because Punk has no manners and didn’t say please when he asked for a title shot. The crowd is going to go nuts over this and we’re gonna make some big money.” If there is any WWE employee left with any logic whatsoever…PLEASE fire the asshole that wrote this storyline. But before you fire them, make sure to stab them in the head with the same pencil they wrote that shit with!

Just for the record – I live in NJ and spent the entire last week without power. It was an absolute pain in the ass getting through 8 days like I was stranded on an island. The only good thing that came out of it was that I missed last week’s episode of RAW with The Muppets. Yet another example of how Vince McMahon is killing the wrestling business. Simply because this MARK gets a Gonzo sized erection with this lame form of entertainment. I understand that it’s a great way to cross promote for the younger demographic and the kids who beg their parents to buy them merchandise. I GET IT! But The Muppets do NOT belong on a product where people get hit in the face with a sledgehammer.

But since we’re already on the topic – here’s a quick joke…No, not TNA’s ratings…What’s green and smells like pork?…Kermit’s Finger!

Why did Jerry Lawler proclaim that Kelly Kelly is his all time favorite diva? Do you think she slobbed the royal knob? Well then, riddle me this one Batman…Why are they strongly putting over Maxim Magazine? Did they forget all the girls they pimped out to Playboy? You want me to pop for Kelly Kelly? The put her on the cover of Playboy and show me her boobage!

After all this time, what’s the point of Kevin Nash’s return? is there still a plan to reform the n.W.o.? How does this have anything to do with CM Punk? Is there a big swerve in the making? Or is it just WWE’s version of TNA-style booking where 50-year old wrestlers steal the spotlight from the younger guys?

Last but certainly not least, what is the point of John Cena wrestling against his PPV opponents two weeks before the PPV in a FREE Raw main event? I understand that the only purpose for the Survivor Series is to set the stage for the John Cena vs. The Rock at Wrestlemania. I get it! But you’re going to wrestle The Miz and R-Truth in two weeks…with The Rock as your partner…and all this media attention…so why is it necessary to have Cena wrestle them before hand? Save the tune up for the house shows. This is how the PPV concept is being killed. You would think with all those billions, WWE could afford to get a doctor to determine why Vince McMahon is so delusional. Other than John Cena cashing in his receipt from last year’s WrestleMania where he’ll more than likely end the Survivor Series show by laying out The Rock – why should I order this PPV for something I’ve already seen?…EXACTLY! Here’s a tip for the fans – find a Hooters! They air the WWE PPV for free and all you have to do is spend money on beer and wings! At least the buffalo bird is worth the price unlike the WWE PPV.

Can You Dig It!?!

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